like seriously, one minute im fine and the other im shaking in the bathroom in hysterics. what the fuck is wrong with me? Kait and some girls just went to Lehigh for a party and did i go? of course not. now in my defense my stomach does feel like shit after all i ate tonight but i still could have sucked it up. i think im scared. more scared than i ever thought i was. my first week of college has been fine but i want it to be over now. i guess seeing my parents today made this harder too. i just...i dont know what the fuck is going on with me right now. its like..i felt ready for this...like i was handling it well and now..i just cant stop crying. i wish i could just change. be confident and not scared of anything. I'm always scared to take any kind of risk. i want to be safe. staying in my room tonight with my computer is safe. going out to a party on a different campus is not. im so worried for them. will they be ok? will they get there and back alright? i couldnt give a concrete reason as to why i didnt want to go and the real reason is because im scared and i dont know if i truly trust them yet. driving in the dark to a college where we know no one and just walking into a party with alcohol and shit. i just...no. im going to be a hermit for the rest of my life just like my mom says.
i cant handle this
i cant
right now i just want to go home and hug my parents and my dog
please make me stop crying
please
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