Friday, May 15, 2009

i'm offically done with high school.

well....kind of. I'm done all my classes! I just finished my chem exam so now Its allllll over. I would be out celebrating...but I'm stuck at school. I have no way to get food and I'm sitting like a looser in the abandoned senior room all by myself. Fun right? No not really, I have nothing to freaking do. I would have left already but I have to be here for an assembly at 1:30. I'm going to be so hungry. I'm sitting here eating grapes right now from breakfast and I'm slowly eating them one by one hoping to save them and not be hungry. I'm thinking that won't work out too well. I guess If I'm starved I can always go to the school store. Whatever. Honestly right now i'm just babbling because I have nothing better to do.
Mimmo asked me to his prom last night. I really didn't want to answer the phone because I knew what was comming. I dont like him but I think he likes me and thats worrying me. I don't want him to try anything at his prom and I don't want to break his heart at the same time. Ugh. Its just like...I dont know I don't think I like him like that. And another thing, everyone wants me to wear the same dress but..I dont want to wear it twice in a row! If I had a different date maybe I could pull that off but I don't. I know Mimmo wants me to wear it again but I don't feel like it. My dress was special and was for my senior prom at RPCS...not some stinky prom at gilman. And then Meredith was all up in my business about buying another dress. Why the fuck do you care if I go out and buy another one? Its not your money. This is probably the last time I'll be able to get a dress for a special occasion because they dont do these things in college so If I want to get a new dress i'm going to freaking get a new dress. Its just annoying that she tries to control my life and I find myself worrying about it and making myself upset. It really needs to stop, like really. Snap out of it girl! But yeah, I don't know if I'm excited for this prom or not. I'll be stuck with Mimmo the entire time and I won't know anyone. Save me! Hopefully someone I'm kind of friends with will be there. Oiye.
So I start working at HDS next week. That should be fun, I hope. Mrs. Cain is such a sweetheart and she'll let me do whatever I want I think. It must be weird for her to see me now after teaching me in first grade.
Ok so driving last night! I got so frustrated that I burst into tears. I hate this parallel parking shit, and I fail at it. I just want to get it right multiple times in a row! I'll get it perfect and then the next 5 billion times will be wrong. I know I'm going to fail the drivers test because I'm going to be so damn nervous that I'm going to mess up. it sucks and i hate that i know its going to happen. I wish i could it. I wish it was easier to get. gahhhhh. but i was upset all night over it. it just put me in a bad mood you know? and then i had to study for chem and i was just...not a happy camper.its sad because i know im a good driver and ive been driving for a long time now and i think i deserve my license but this one thing will definitely bring me down. FML. like seriously.
im trying to think of what else to talk about but nothing is coming to mind. damn. its only 11:16 and the assembly starts at 1:30. I'm going to be bored to tears! I wish I had a movie or something, or at least someone to talk to. I wish I had food. yeah that food thing sounds really nice. ill probably make a trip to the school store before the assembly who knows. sigh this sucks.
ok im leaving,im going to stop depressing my readers.

Monday, May 11, 2009

less than a month until graduation.

yes this week is my last week of classes. everyone else is mostly just winding down and doing nothing...i have so much freaking work. i have my math and chem exams this friday and thursday and i have no time to study, nor the energy. that brings me to prom...
prom was fun. ill provide pictures at the end of this post [if it works]. the one realization that came out of this was... i dont like mimmo. there i said it. sarah was talking to me at prom about kissing mimmo and i was just like..turned off by it. i was like..meh. i started to think that maybe i just see him as a friend. he tried to be close to me all night but i kind of just shrugged him off or did get close back. i know that sounds so rude but i didnt want to be all cuddly and give off the wrong impression. i feel like i was that way last year because the night before prom we went out and i kind of liked him them. this year i just..didnt. and i feel like if i wanted to kiss him i would be happy and about it and want to do. but i just..dont. i know probably half of it is because im scared but i feel like i should want to kiss someone you know? i just hope it happens to me in college. like i meet someone that i genuinely like. i wish i had more to write here about drama at prom but that was really it. sarah and edun were kissy and touchy and cute as ever. courtneys date was the biggest dork ever but he was super hilarious. he had a chess set with him, enough said. i loved my dress and i was glad that nothing major happened to it. i didnt fall and trip and the dress didnt rip. my hair held up well and im glad richard chose to curl it. i feel like my hair looks better curly than straight. i can't wait to get it cut and dyed again. i dont know what the hell im going to do with it but i really want kristen stewart hair lolol.
so after this week i go work at harford day, that should be interesting. i still have no idea what im doing but i hope it will be fun and not a complete waste of 2 weeks. im excited for the yearbook thing comming up. i cant wait to see that in person finally. its nice when you work on it because you already know what it looks like but you still want to see it in paper, not just on a computer screen.
i should probably go now and work on my english essay. another spy paper. oiye. its a movie review which isnt bad, i just have to focus. its better than reading another book though. even though that class was a pain in my butt i still liked it. it was interesting. same with bible. now lets just pray that i can pass these math and chem exams so i can actually graduate!


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

its over now the music of the night

the dance concert is overrrrrrr. and im so excited. and yes im a little sad seeing as today I will be giving away my rose [to tracy no less! i'm so excited for her] and this is technically the last week of classes. it hasn't hit me yet because i still have so much work but wow things are really winding down. and i should be studying for chem right now but my ADD is getting the better of me.
so the dance concert overall went really well i thought. i dont remember being scary nervous or messing up. sure my solo was a little nerve racking but everyone said it looked great. its the best feeling when you get out on stage and youre thinking 'oh god this is it, not turning back now" but when the music starts you just...go. its like once you hear that music and the light hits you th world is gone. you dont see anything around you and you just, well, dance. i never realized how incredible it was. so i was in 9 dances and i thought at some points i was going to pull my hair out. the whole fiasco with tapline really ate at me for a while but everything turned out to be fine. i was just scared of getting that crap off my face before the finale. i feel like i should have done better with the finale but it was the dance tht we learned last and the final night i got the ending correct so I think that was an acomplishment. i have so many bruises right now it looks like someone beat me. leah stepped on my hand, more than once actually, during one dance and now it looks hideous. and my elbows have huuuuge bruises on them. i hope they semi go away before prom. the hand one i dont really care about seeing as that can be explained and hidden in pictures. the elbows not so much. at least my dress is long so they dont have to see my knees and feet. but mimmo came to see me dance on sunday. all the senior roses kind of forced him poor guy but it was nice that he made the effort to show up. it was nice to see him again. i hate though whenever i see him i get bombarded by questions about if we're dating. the honest answer is i have no idea in hell. this thing that we have has been going on for like more than a year and i still dont know what to make of it. it would be kind of pointless to get a boyfriend now anyway since im going off to college. that reminds me, if it wasnt official before it is now. DeSales Class of 2013! I sent the deposit in and i got the packet in the mail with my email and everything. again i dont think thats sunk in either. gah my world is spinning so fast. i only have this week and like half of next week before i go off to do my senior project. then i come back for like yearbook and other random things and then bam class day and graduation. so so weird.
so i feel like i have so much more to write but my mind is blank. i had a horrible headache this morning and hopefully it wont come back because i have a stupid chem test today. which i will fail btw. its bound to happen. ive had no energy or brain power to study and pay attention in class so im screwed but what else is new? i dont understand math either and i have a quiz in that tomorrow. shoot me now.
well i guess lily will be here any minute. i hope we can work on our bible lit project today. its supposed to be due on friday... and we're dancing...something i havent done in a while! not.
ok now im going, really i am.