Friday, November 14, 2008

Katy wanted more poetry.

So heres some more poetry =]
Enjoy and please tell me what you think.

Moving pictures,
Colors blazing.
Showing a life,
I will never have.

My mind is captured.


I say farewell to the moon tonight.
Its distortion coloring the sky,
A misty gray.
I will never understand,
Its true meaning,
Because what I see
No longer exists.

I’m hooked on this illusion,
This false dream that will never come true.
I long to escape.
To rid myself of this life.
To sleep
And wake in a world all my own.

Life is one never ending rehearsal.
In and out each day.
Facing the same problems.
Hours on end.

Tear me away.
I need to get out.

Monday, November 10, 2008

post- arguement rant.

So this is a rant that I wrote in Poetry Class. Our teacher gave us the line "its not worth it" and we had to write from that. Basically I just ranted about an arguement that I had with a certain friend the night before. I feel like copying it here since this is my "rant blog".

It's not worth it.
this friendship I'm in. we fight. we call ourselves an old married couple. but should we really be an old divorced couple? we never had problems until now. we clash. she overreacts. i try to calm. she takes it personally. i try not to lash out. she yells. she insults. she has an idea of what she wants to do with her life. i don't. she finds me naive. calls me disgustingly desperate. i give up. she lets it go. we fight again. someone has to talk to her, make her apologise. she wants to run my life. i want to make my own mistakes. come to my own conclusions. im not perfect. neither is she. she doesnt see that. i know she cares but maybe she cares a little too much. i love to spend time with her but maybe ive blinded myself into thinking shes my best friend. im too far in. i cant get out. she wont let me go, i know. im always embarassed by her words. shes too blunt. she doesnt understand how horrible she sounds. she insults and laughs it off. i try to make her see but she doesnt. she is blind. im too scared to fight back because i know we'll argue once more. 6 years we've been friends. im going away soon, away from her. in all honesty, I can't wait. i need new people in my life. optimistic people. people who dont control me or put me down. she says i lecture. im sorry maybe I do. but she doesnt listen. she has changed into this monster. im not the only one that sees it. please God make her see. make her understand that she is hurting others and myself. is it worth it, this friendship? I don't know. I want to hope but I'm loosing my belief.
So there you have it. My lovely rant. Now out of this rant I wrote a poem. So here it is.
So many years,
So many moments.

It’s different.

Something has changed.
Ideas clash,
Personalities argue.
Is the pain worth it?
Name calling,
Desperate and naïve.

No apology is needed.
The war is done.
There. I'm done another rant for today...well hopefully.

i think I'm in over my head.

Well hello life. How's it going?
Stressful? Agreed.

I have so much on my plate right now and I just want to ignore it. Between college, school work, being sick and the musical...I'm just...blah.
I like to think I have the time to do everything but do I? And why do I always forget things so easily. Like that damn chemistry test that I have today.
I say I'll work on college applications but....I haven't. Ooops. I know I should be getting it done but I don't really want to think about college. In all honesty, I don't think I'm ready. I don't know if I'm ready to live on my own. Heck I can't even remember that my wash is done.
And this musical is making me rethink everthing. it just isnt fun anymore. Can Can back in '05 was a blast. Maybe it was because everything was so new and glamorous to me. I don't know. sure it wasnt the best written musical and neither is this one but I felt more involved. there was more love in this show. Maybe the you know whos...the O family as I will call sucking the life out of everything. Sure I would have loved to have the lead in this show but then my time would be down the tubes. Sure I dont take AP or honors classes but I work. Everything is pretty much hard for me and this damn ADD. yeah thats my problem, right?
And to top this all off....did I go to the right high school? Lately I've been going to a hell of alot of JC things and it felt like...I was part of a high school. The football games, the band, the cheerleaders...boys. Oh yes there were boys. I think I missed that experience more than I thought. I didn't like JC when I shadowed but what if I had actually gone there? RPCS has been wonderful and challenging and I keep telling myself that I'm a stronger woman because I went there but am I? Have I really proven that fact. I mean I can hardly look a guy in the eyes when I speak to him because I'm not comfortable around him. I mean heck, I looked at T -giggleswoon- for two seconds and I could hardly squeek out a "Hi". Damn why didn't I give him that flower?
So I guess I should go, school and all. I love Child Lit, its the best class ever. And I thought I was going to die. Mr. Rice has really turned out to be an amazing teacher and I know now that I was too naive to see it in freshman year. Hopefully I really have grown as a person like he says.

So this blog, I'll probably just rant. Seems like a good idea. I might post some poetry since I'm taking that darned poetry class.
Off I go. There are so many things I would love to write about but maybe later.