i think I'm in over my head.

Well hello life. How's it going?
Stressful? Agreed.

I have so much on my plate right now and I just want to ignore it. Between college, school work, being sick and the musical...I'm just...blah.
I like to think I have the time to do everything but do I? And why do I always forget things so easily. Like that damn chemistry test that I have today.
I say I'll work on college applications but....I haven't. Ooops. I know I should be getting it done but I don't really want to think about college. In all honesty, I don't think I'm ready. I don't know if I'm ready to live on my own. Heck I can't even remember that my wash is done.
And this musical is making me rethink everthing. it just isnt fun anymore. Can Can back in '05 was a blast. Maybe it was because everything was so new and glamorous to me. I don't know. sure it wasnt the best written musical and neither is this one but I felt more involved. there was more love in this show. Maybe the you know whos...the O family as I will call them...is sucking the life out of everything. Sure I would have loved to have the lead in this show but then my time would be down the tubes. Sure I dont take AP or honors classes but I work. Everything is pretty much hard for me and this damn ADD. yeah thats my problem, right?
And to top this all off....did I go to the right high school? Lately I've been going to a hell of alot of JC things and it felt like...I was part of a high school. The football games, the band, the cheerleaders...boys. Oh yes there were boys. I think I missed that experience more than I thought. I didn't like JC when I shadowed but what if I had actually gone there? RPCS has been wonderful and challenging and I keep telling myself that I'm a stronger woman because I went there but am I? Have I really proven that fact. I mean I can hardly look a guy in the eyes when I speak to him because I'm not comfortable around him. I mean heck, I looked at T -giggleswoon- for two seconds and I could hardly squeek out a "Hi". Damn why didn't I give him that flower?
So I guess I should go, school and all. I love Child Lit, its the best class ever. And I thought I was going to die. Mr. Rice has really turned out to be an amazing teacher and I know now that I was too naive to see it in freshman year. Hopefully I really have grown as a person like he says.

So this blog, I'll probably just rant. Seems like a good idea. I might post some poetry since I'm taking that darned poetry class.
Off I go. There are so many things I would love to write about but maybe later.
Toodles.